Hi ppl!
I know judging by my blog's URL you think I'm very emo... but I'm totally not! I'm as party- and guy- crazy as any normal girl. I just... ... like BLOOD.
I don't cut myself on purpose or anything, but when I do (by accident) I just love watching it all flow out. When I'm really desperate I bite the inside of my mouth, which is what I'm doing now, or bite my lip (which bleeds really easily), and just SUCK the blood.
My friends all think I'm crazy or just want attention, but if that was true I would only let myself bleed when people are around. But the thing is, I do it in private as well.
I used to hate getting cut or injured, but just the other day when I fell and scraped both knees the pain was such a rush, like adrenalin, you know? When I showered that night I forgot about my knee, and since I like to bathe with warm water, when I turned on the showerhead the hot water just rushed down onto my wounds. It stung and hurt like mad, but I just left it there for a long time.
Another problem - my weight! I have to admit I've lost A LOT of weight recently, but I just can't to be slim enough. Daena, this super-skinny girl in my class, thinks I'm being dramatic or attention-seeking when I don't eat or complain that I'm fat, but she doesn't know how it feels like to look in a mirror everyday and seeing that you're just not good enough.
And it's just not my own blood I enjoy watching flow, it's others' as well. I know it seems sick, but when others are injured and bleeding I can't help staring at the dark red substance and wondering how it would feel like all over my hands... Well, no matter how crazy I've sounded for the past paragraphs, I think you'd all like to know that I do love stereotypes, and I am SO not in the gothic or emo one.
I don't think this guy and I are REALLY considered boyfriend and girlfriend, so I'll just call him my guyfriend, okay? So anyway, this guyfriend of mine is really cool about all this, and he's been showering me with compliments to make me feel better. Still, I just want someone to understand that I'm not acting. If I have a problem, so be it, it's just the way I am.
Kim T
